Never Read A Girl's Diary: a Deidara Oneshot
by Singergirl010
Summary: Aparently having a diary and being in the Akatsuki isn't the best idea. Let's just hope Deidara never sees it. Warning: Hidan swears as does Ohdeku the OC


Name: Uhdeku Hyuga

Age: 16 (Deidara is 17)

Looks: blue hair, blue eyes, black tank top, dark blue pants (not a skirt no matter what it may look like), white belt with red beads, a ring on her right thumb that is not her Akatsuki ring (Pein wears his on the right thumb), wears a cross shaped necklace, right ear had three piercings and her left ear has one -usually wears small hoop earrings, wears lots or bracelets, flawless skin except that she has a scar on her arm from a puppetry accident, wears arm band (a bit like Sasuke's) to hid the scar

Personality/Info: split personality – happy-go-lucky, outgoing, loving, sweet/hateful, deadly, mischievous, speaks mind. She is a missing-nin from Konoha and is now a member of the Akatsuki. They all love her except when she "goes black," except for Kisame. They have a strange hatred of each other that no one understands. She loves all music styles.

Info: This story is post Sasori, so that means there is no Sasori and we have Tobi. She was kidnapped by the Akatsuki when she was 4. She is actually the heir to the Hyuga family meaning that she is Hinata's older sister. Hinata has no idea about this because she wasn't even born yet. All of Konoha loved her, but when they couldn't get her back they presumed her dead. The Akatsuki faked her death to get them to stop following them so intently. Her favorite weapon is her flute. She plays music which immobilizes her opponents. She isn't very religious even though she always wears her cross necklace. However, she believes that all of the Akatsuki members will go to hell when they die. She only tried to escape once and nearly succeeded. She got near to Konoha, but she was attacked by their ninja's because by then she was a known member of the Akatsuki. None of the Akatsuki know of the scar on her arm except Sasori because he gave it to her. Unlike her family she has blue hair. It's a long story…

* * *

"TOBI!" you yelled. "Why in the world did I take on this stupid task? I knew that you'd end up getting on my nerves and pissing me off, but no. I had to freaking agree to help you make some freaking cookies! God!" By this time you were really losing it and if no one stopped you, you would probably go "black" and break something.

"But Uhdeku-chan –" Tobi started to say, but it was too late, you'd snapped.

"Don't you Uhdeku-chan me!" you spat at him. "You are so dead!"

"Oy, Uhdeku-chan. Shut the hell up, would you?" Hidan said and grabbed your arms. "Get out of here, Tobi."

"God, let me go, Hidan!" You tried fighting back, but he wouldn't let go. You regretted your decision of leaving your flute in your room this morning. Not that it would help you with our arms trapped, but you still wanted it. "Put me down!"

"Not until you fucking get a hold of yourself. What did Tobi do this time?"

"What does it look like he did?" The kitchen was in a state of chaos. Well, not really chaos, but if no one knew any better they would think that they had just stepped into a room made of cookie dough. The stuff was plastered onto practically every flat surface in the room.

"Well it's not your damn problem, now is it?"

"No." Your mood started stabilizing at this point. "Hidan-nii-san, put me down, would you?"

"Are you going to kill Tobi? Not that any of us would care about that bastard, but you'd get in a fucking load of trouble with Leader-sama for killing another member."

"I know that." You squirmed a bit in Hidan's grip. "I won't kill him, now let me go? Please?" You'd gone full circle back to your usual, sweet self. You tilted your head back so you were looking at his face upside down and gave him puppy eyes.

"Agh, fine." He let go of your arms.

"Thank you Hidan-nii-san. See ya later!" You skipped out of the room, but doubled back to give him a hug.

"I told you not to fucking do that again, bitch!" he shouted down the hallway after your retreating form. You knew he didn't mean it though.

You skipped down the hall and straight into a solid object which let out a slight 'oomph' upon impact.

"Hey Uhdeku-chan. What was all of the yelling about, yeah?" It was Deidara.

"Tobi-kun made a mess again in the kitchen, but it's okay." you replied with a smile

"He what? Wait until I get my hands on him, yeah!" Deidara started storming off to find the little trouble maker, but you grabbed his arm.

"Leave him be, aniki. Hey, would you do something for me?" You knew that the best tactic for distracting Deidara from Tobi was his art work.

"Sure, Uhdeku-chan. What do you want, un?"

"Would you make me a flute with your clay? I've been wanting to test flutes made of different materials and seeing what type I like the best. I've only got one you know." It was only partially a lie. You hadn't been planning it, but it would actually prove to be a rather interesting project.

"Sure thing, yeah. I'll go start that. When I'm done you could test it out on Tobi, yeah."

You laughed. "I suppose I could."

"I'll see you later then, Uhdeku-chan." Deidara left for his studio and you ran to your room. You slipped through the door and pressed your back against it.

"Oh my gosh." You pressed you hands over your heart. _'Eee! I talked to him!' _You had a mondo crush on Deidara, but no one knew. You hadn't even told Sasori when he was alive even though he had been your best friend. You'd told him everything. Everything but this.

After his death you had wanted to tell him more than ever. His death was really hard on you, and you felt as if you'd had no one. Sasori was always calm and collected; he always knew what to do. He'd probably have been able to ask Deidara if he liked you without him ever being none the wiser. You'd turned black more frequently after the tragedy, snapping at anyone and everyone, even Deidara. They had tried cleaning out his room, but you attacked everyone who entered. They had been able to salvage a few things from his room though, including a letter to you. When they gave it to you, you cried, but didn't open it. You hadn't opened it to this day.

You rushed over to the desk in your room and pulled out your diary.

Dear Sasori,

My period ended today. I'll bet you that I've been acting like a real bitch these last few days. You always said I acted really moody and snapped more easily. Oh dear lord above! What if Tobi didn't ask me to make cookies with him until today because he knows when my menstruation cycle is!? Shit!

Okay, next topic. This afternoon I agreed to help Tobi make cookies. We were "having a blast" as *heart* Deidara *heart* would put it, but then it all went wrong. Tobi, the sweet moron that he is, somehow caused the cookie batter to explode and it caked the entire room, yet somehow completely avoiding me. It must have known that it would cook if it landed on me, I got so mad. Yes, I snapped and threatened to kill him (again). Hidan-nii had to stop me (again).

I was heading back to my room to do some practice with my flute when I crashed into Deidara . I told him about Tobi and he was going to go beat him up for me, but I stopped him. I asked him to make me a flute and guess what. He said yes! Eee! I'm so happy! *heart* Deidara *heart* is going to make me a present. I'm so happy I could sing! Laaa!

Not much more to report as of now about me. The others are pretty much the same as always; Itachi is as emo as ever and Kisame is still a blue fish; Kakuzu found 100 yen under your bed and I kicked is butt as well as Hidan's, who is still as Jashin obsessed as ever, because I'd gone black by that point. Pein still has his 'I am God, do my bidding!' aura and is still ignorant of Konan's feelings for him, the poor thing. I got her some more origami paper after my mission last week, but I already told you that. Tobi is his ever hyper and childish and hyper self while *heart* Deidara *heart* is…

Well, I could go on and on about *heart* Deidara *heart*, you know I could Sasori-kun. I mean he's just so wonderful with his long, blond hair, and his eyes are such a deep blue. They make me feel like I'm drowning in them, but in a good way. And his speech impediment is so endearing. And his butt. Why does he always hide it with his Akatuski cloak? It's so hott! Oh dear, I'm doing it again.

"I am the author of my life. Unfortunately I am writing in pen and can't erase my mistakes." I'm also writing this entry in pen and can't erase what I just wrote. Not that I would, it's all true, but what if (heaven forbid) someone find my journal? What would I do then? I'm in much too good a mood to contemplate such horrid affairs, so I won't.

I still haven't read the letter you wrote me. I just can't bring myself to open it. I feel as if I don't want to open it, that it may hold something that would bring me pain. What if you had – no I won't think of such things. I'll write again later!

Your living puppet,

Uhdeku

You never wrote "Dear Diary." You had at one point, but then Sasori had died. After that you felt obligated to tell him everything that happened in your life and the lives of the other organization members, so you changed it to "Dear Sasori." You never went into much detail about them unless something big happened. If Itachi smiled or Kisame's skin was pink for a change, you'd write about it though.

You got up from your bed where you had been writing and opened up your desk. True, it wasn't the best hiding place, but you trusted the others not to read it. Your eyes flickered to the letter from Sasori. _'Just open it already.'_ you told yourself. You reached for it, but drew your hand back. You couldn't do it. _'Coward.'_

You didn't feel like practicing your flute, so you decided to clean the kitchen. True, Tobi should do it, but you actually liked cleaning. You made your way to the kitchen and surveyed the damage. _'This might take a while.'_

* * *

You arched your back. It had taken quite a while to scrape off all of the cookie dough, but you'd done it; the kitchen was immaculate. You'd even take it upon yourself to clean the refrigerator; this included scrubbing, seeing if anything in there was edible, and if it wasn't, to toss it.

In the distance you could hear something. _'Is that laughter?'_ you wondered to yourself. Deciding to investigate, you walked down the hallway.

"'Dear Sasori,'" you heard someone say mockingly. You had a good idea who it was. "'My period ended today. I'll bet you that I've been acting like a real bitch these last few days.' You bet she has." A few people laughed at his comment. The voice continued. "'You always said I acted really moody and snapped more easily. Oh dear lord above! What if Tobi didn't ask me to make cookies with him until today because he knows when my menstruation cycle is?!'"

"Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi said from the room at the end of the hall.

"So Tobi, do you know when Uhdeku's menstruation cycle is?" asked the same jeering voice.

"What's a mensucate cycle?" Tobi asked confusedly. This set off the others laughter.

You silently came up to the open door and looked in, unnoticed. You were right. Kisame had your journal. Kisame had your journal and was reading it to the other members. Everyone was there; Itachi, Kakuzu, Hidan, Pein, Konan, Tobi, and there in the corner laughing was Deidara. Oh dear lord above, did he know? Had Kisame read any of the passages about Deidara? Your heart dropped. You'd written Deidara's name some ten odd times or so in the entry Kisame was reading.

"'We were "having a blast" as heart Deidara heart would put it,'" Kisame said 'heart' with an emphasis each time. Oh no. Everyone burst into laughter, even Deidara.

'_He thinks of it as simply a joke.'_ You thought to yourself in relief and let out an internal sigh. _'Thank the lord.'_

Kisame continued reading and your embarrassment and anger kept growing. He finally got to the part about Deidara's looks. He was using a voice that you assumed was supposed to mimic yours. "'I mean he's just _so_ wonderful with his long, blond hair,'" he drawled out the part about 'long blonde.' "'And his eyes are such a deep blue.'" Emphasis on the 'such.' "'They make me feel like I'm drowning in them, but in a good way. And his speech impediment is _so_ endearing. And his butt. Why does he always hide it with his Akatuski cloak? It's so hott!'" Upon saying this part he slapped his own butt. The others were in hysterics. Deidara's face had turned a bright shade of pink by this time.

Your anger had just about peeked at this point.

"'I'll write again soon!'" Kisame continued, still unknowing that you were standing in the doorway.

"'Your living puppet, Uhdeku.'" Your voice was livid with hatred as you spoke those words; your chakra what turned black and was spitting off of you like a sparkler at a carnival. Everyone looked over at you, their voiced silenced by your anger. "How **dare** you?!' you shouted at Kisame. You spun around to face Hidan. "How could you let him do that, you damn bastard!" you spat at him.

"Calm down, Uhdeku." Pein ordered you.

"I will not!" you yelled at him. Pein saw your eyes; they were dark, filled with hate and betrayal. They were deadly. "Don't you dare tell me to calm down?! How would you like it if I told everyone your secrets, hmm, Pein?" You spun to face the others. "Well? Would you?"

"Uhdeku-" Hidan began, but you cut him off.

"Alright, let's start with you Hidan, shall we? Secret number one; the real reason Hidan 'can't'," you used finger quotes, "be with girls. Hidan's gay for Kakuzu." You spun around to face your next victim, Kakuzu. "Secret number two. Kakuzu, the straight guy that he is, is sending all of his money to his wife and children." Turning your heel, you faced Tobi. "Secret number three. Tobi's not a good boy. You know just what a menstruation cycle is, don't you, from all of those perverted books of Jiraiya's. He buys a new one every time he goes on a mission with Zetsu." You looked over at Zetsu who happened to be seated next to Tobi. "Number four: the real reason Zetsu's a minning-nin. He knocked up the ¹Kusabe's daughter as well as a bunch of other girls in the village, even though the girl was supposed to be married soon and then ate her fiancé when he walked in on them in bed. Kisame actually likes seafood despite his allergy against it. Don't you, Kisame?" You stalked up to Kisame who towered above you and plucked your journal from his hands. "Itachi, Itachi, Itachi. You sicken me, you and your pink lingerie collection. Ick!" You shuddered at the thought. It wasn't a happy day for you when you walked in on him fondling his collection. Pein's secret is –"

You never finished saying what Leader-sama's secret was because at that exact moment he clasped his hand over your mouth. "Don't you dare, Uhdeku."

You pulled out of Leader-sama's grip. "Don't you dare tell me what to do!" you spat at him.

"Uhdeku." Pein said in a warning voice.

You glared at him for a few minutes before turning on your heel and stalked out of the room in a huff.

The room was silent for a minute. "Tobi has never seen Uhdeku-chan so mad before." commented Tobi.

"Neither have I, and I've known her since before she fucking joined the Akatsuki." replied Hidan.

The others all had to agree that none of them had ever seen you so mad. The maddest you had ever been that any of them could remember was when you were little and had a giant hissy fit when you were younger.

Deidara stood up and walked out of the room and when he passes Kisame he whispered, "You idiot."

Deidara made his way to your room where he knew you would seek refuge. "Uhdeku-chan. It's me, un. Can I come in, yeah?" he asked as he knocked on your door. Crash! Deidara flinched at the noise. "Uhdeku-chan?" he asked tentatively as he cracked the door open. Crash! Deidara witnessed you smashing your belongings on the floor. Smash! Smash! Smash! "Uhdeku-chan, calm down, un!" he called to you."

"Why should I!" you spat back.

Deidara tried reasoning with you. "You'll regret this later, yeah. You know you will."

Crash! "So what?" You glowered at Deidara from your perch on your bed above all of the shards from your broken possessions. You started lifting up a statue, but Deidara grabbed you hand.

"Don't do it, un."

"Why? Isn't art supposed to be fleeting? That's what you're always saying, right? Now let go!" You struggled against Deidara's arms which had wrapped around your waist, trapping your hands so you couldn't grab anything else to destroy.

"I know that's what I say, but I know how precious all of this stuff is to you, un. When you snap back you'll be really sad, yeah. I don't like it when you're sad, un."

"You're just saying that. I know you don't mean it."

"I do mean it, yeah." Deidara turned you around so you could see his face. "Uhdeku-chan, I'm so sorry I didn't stop Kisame, un. I didn't think, I mean…"

You could see in his eyes the apology that he couldn't put into the right words. "I forgive you. It wasn't your fault." you said quietly. You were stabilizing again.

"Thanks. Um… Uhdeku-chan? Was it true, yeah? About me?" a slight blush was spreading across his cheeks.

Your cheeks turned a bright shade of red and very hot. He meant the parts about his hair and his eyes and his butt being hott! "Um…" you averted your eyes from his. "Um…" You were too embarrassed by this point to reply so you simply nodded your head slightly.

Deidara leaned down so his lips were next to you ear and whispered "I think you're beautiful, yeah." and kissed your neck just below your ear. He trailed kisses across your jaw until his lips met yours. A few minutes later the two of you broke away for air. Your knees were feeling weak so you sank down and sat on your bed. Deidara sat too and pulled you into his lap, releasing your arms as well. You released the statue and entwined your freed fingers with Deidara's hair as the two of you kissed. Deidara moved his lips back to your neck.

"You know what Deidara?" you asked, pleasure dripping from your voice.

"What, un?" he asked and attached his lips to your neck, sucking on it.

"Mmm. I can use Pein-sama's truth against him later as black mail." Deidara laughed against the skin of your neck, causing a slight vibration on the skin there. "Ahh!" Deidara had found your weak spot and began sucking on it relentlessly. "Mmm." You moaned.

"Uhdeku-chan! Are you still mad at Tobi?"

"Go away Tobi!" Deidara yelled at him through the door.

"Tobi found Deidara-senpai!" Tobi yelled to who must have been the rest of the Akatsuki. "Deidara-senpai is with Uhdeku-chan! Are Uhdeku-chan and Deidara-senpai being bad?" The last part was obviously directed at the two of you, but it was Hidan who replied.

"He better as hell not be doing anything with Uhdeku! I'll rip his arms off, the bastard, if he does anything to her. Deidara had pulled away from your neck by this point and it was just as well seeing as Hidan had just burst through the door. "Get the hell away from her you bitch!" he shouted at Deidara.

Deidara began getting up, but you grabbed his arm and pulled him into a deep kiss. You circled your arms around his neck and he, after a moment's embarrassment about the others being there, entwined his around your waist.

"Deidara-senpai and Uhdeku-chan are being bad!" Tobi yelled and you could hear the other members nearing your room.

"Deidara, get the hell off of Uhdeku now or I'll –" Hidan began, but no one ever learned what it was that Hidan would do because he was cut off by your hand gesture; you were giving him the middle finger.

"Hidan-san, what does that mean?" Tobi asked confusedly.

"It means fuck-off so she can snog her boyfriend. Let's go." Hidan grumbled. He didn't like the idea of you with anyone, seeing as he was like an older brother to you.

"What's snog mean?"

"What does it look like they're doing, you fucking dimwit?"

"OH!"

The door to your room closed and you and Deidara were alone again. The two of you broke away, panting from lack of air. "So I'm your boyfriend now, hmm?" asked Deidara in a whisper.

"Yup. And if you break my heart I'm pretty sure Hidan-nii-san will willingly break that pretty face of yours or anything else I ask him to do.

"Don't worry, I'm not planning on breaking up with you for a long, long time." He pressed his lips back to yours in another kiss.

You could hear a muttered conversation going on outside your door, but you didn't care. At least not until you heard Tobi singing "Deidara and Uhdeku sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then come Deidar-senpai with the baby carriage!

"Why that little! Wait until I get my hands on him!" Deidara said crossly.

"Leave him be." You leaned up to reach his lips.

"I guess I can beat him up later."

"You guessed right."

Notes: 1) ¹Kusabe=leader of Kusagakure, the village Zetsu is from. 2) snog = excessive kissing


End file.
